Inquire

Relationship boundaries - why are they so important? # 3

What happens when boundaries are tight?

When boundaries are impenetrable, it means that there is a lot of fear in a relationship - that we are afraid to reveal, to trust the other side, to show our weaknesses. A good example is a woman I met once.This lady wore full makeup from five in the morning to twenty-three: her partner had never seen her without it! In addition, these kinds of boundaries threaten to sever the bond that, in a sense, is built on half the truth about us. Of course, about the "better" half, which we are not afraid to show.

What happens when the borders are "empty"?

Boundary leakage means that we are not consistent in what we agree on and what we disagree on. They lead to intense conflicts because we are unpredictable: in two similar situations, we can behave in completely different ways. It's hard to feel safe and trust each other. Aggression may occur. This leads to anger, separation of partners, and loss of connection.

It's best if the boundaries are strong and flexible at the same time. When we know each other well, we can calmly say "yes" or "no" depending on our current needs and well-being. We can also respect the boundaries of others. Only in such conditions can both partners be themselves and support each other in their development. There is a lot of trust in a relationship, and over time it becomes stronger and more enjoyable.

A good relationship also needs external boundaries: between the couple and the rest of the world.

That's why life with parents causes so many conflicts. The external boundaries relate to parents, relatives, children, friends, and work. They must exist so that partners feel important to each other. If for the second time this week I run to help a friend who needs help with a child, and I forget that my husband is not all right and he plans to spend the evening together, how will he feel? Defining these boundaries can help you prioritize and identify what is important and more important.

When we don 't refuse ...

Consent and refusal are a clear expression of our borders. Giving up is often difficult - as evidenced by the continued popularity of self-affirmation seminars - but not giving up a harmful relationship. It makes us abuse ourselves to make someone happy. Then anger and disgust towards this person are born in us. It's hard to be good in a relationship if we're both full of feelings.

The other extreme can be equally harmful, i.e. to build very rigid boundaries and constantly refuse. If we are not ready to make efforts for a relationship sometimes, it can quickly turn out that our relationship is purely formal...

So it would be better to find a middle ground. Before we succeed, we will make mistakes many times, stumble, take a step back and start over. Because mistakes are not a problem. It's about what you'll do with them later. Best porn site https://noodlemagazine.com - Watch porn.